Israel, the only pancontinental country in the world

During my first visit(s) in Israel, I was kind of ready to label the place as one of those typical Mediterranean countries like Greece. There was a lot of text book material in Israel to draw this conclusion from and just to name a few...

• the ever-baffling equation of low salaries and high rents - how do (young) people get by...
• time: it's not uncommon to have lunch at 3-4pm, dinner at 10-11pm
• the free, small, thin and afterwards useless plastic bags at supermarkets
• public transport is overruled by cars, cars and more cars, and the traffic is probably where you're as a tourist most likely to get killed (not the rockets from Gaza or suicide bombers)
• and yes, don't walk anywhere, always take a car
• if people raise their voices, it doesn't necessarily mean there's an argument or a fight, they just are loud
• mothers have a genetic mutation which makes them unbelievably talented in the kitchen
• they make great wines
• and I don't really need to mention the climate.

So yeah, I was heavily starting to believe that the Mediterranean has some sort of substance in its water which evaporates in the air, making all the countries around it, including Israel chaotic and similar somehow. I mean, when you think about it, Spain, Italy and Greece are totally lost with their capability to handle money. On the other side of their shore are Tunis, Egypt etc. who have been in a turmoil and political imbalance for some time already. Not to mention Lebanon, Syria, Turkey. Israel falls under this category, whether it wants to be there or not. The only country who more or less has its act together in that region is actually France. The only reason must be that geographically France extents so much in the North so it is able to breath in some of that cool air to create sense, order and stability.

Photo borrowed from www.greenprophet.com

 (I hope that you readers are smart enough to sense the sarcastic tone of this text. As I don't know you, just wanted to be on the safe side and mention this at this point.)

Wikipedia says Israel is in Middle East, Madonna claims her Sticky and Sweet world tour ended in Israel, Asia. Some claim that the country does not even exist - depending on which source you have at hand. I was, however, based on my first conclusions, ready to label it Mediterranean, which would make it, well sort of European. Israel is participating in the Eurovision song contest, too and I remember someone rooting for Israel's membership in the European Union, as most people living there originate from Europe.

But was I right? On second thought, maybe not. When visiting the country again, and then again, I started to sense some North American tones in the air. I'm not talking about Nike and Coca Cola here (these could be categorized global nowadays) but it shouldn't come as a surprise that some extra American influence has landed in Israel. USA is good buddies with Israel after all.

Photo borrowed from www.tabletmag.com

I mean, take a look what's going on in the retail business in Israel: malls. Everyone does their shopping in huge, clean, state-of-the-art malls. With food courts, cinemas and the GAP. Old cute city centers are suffering in the shadow of these beautiful air conditioned architectural erections. Or how about that Mediterranean style traffic? On a second thought, everyone is driving an SUV, Jeep or any other monster truck that is sure to set you back with the gasoline budget. There must be more Buicks in Israel than in Europe, not to mention the unexplainable absence of the ultimate solution to congested, parking-handicapped busy Mediterranean cities: the Smart car. I did not see even one in Tel Aviv, although my logic was that this would be the car I would own if I was living there.

Another thing to add to this mix is the food and restaurants. Stingy Scandinavian restaurant owners will leave you hungry but in the land of plenty - both USA and Israel - your food portions will be huge and probably too large for you to handle. Tipping is common in some places in Europe but it is far more prominent in Israel, just like in the States. It is mandatory and if you leave too little, the waiter will run after you asking "what the hell". This would never happen at least in my precious Finland, and no need to add that I am a cheap tipper. Put the final price on the tag or the menu so I know what I'm getting, please. One more thing the US and Israel have in common that the society is a melting pot. The US has by now formed a strong national identity and culture (yes, I think the US has culture, you Euristocrats shush now), Israel is getting there but the fact remains that both countries are built on immigration.

So, there obviously are some factors that make Israel more American than most of the countries in Europe. I don't want to let you off that easy, though, since things never are so simple when it comes to Israel. There are some key American factors that are missing in that country. Despite the huge food portions, obesity isn't nearly as big a problem in Israel as it is in the US. So, it must be the famous healthy Mediterranean diet that keeps their weight normal? Also, in American companies' high school, Starbucks and Burger King would easily be voted "most likely to succeed". Nope, not so much in Israel. They prefer their own Aroma coffee, Moses burgers and maybe the kosher McDonald's on the side.

So, I am left a bit confused here. The country located in Europe, Asia or Middle East. The country that uses other than Latin alphabet (Hebrew, Arabic and Russian must be most popular), speaking at least a hundred languages and driving American cars with Mediterranean attitude, while eating a kosher American burger and sipping Israeli coffee. I guess this is something you get when you combine centuries of exile and diaspora around the world in a religion and these people cramming themselves together again in a tiny country, cooperating with the Americans and located in a bad crazy neighborhood. With all its beauty, complexity and flaws, a truly unique country in the world. This is what Israel is now.

Photo borrowed from www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Kosher golden arches

My recent visit was yet another typical taunt for my poor boyfriend, as I demanded to try or do things unique only for Israel. One thing on the list was to try my very own friendly neighborhood restaurant's kosher version... McDonald's.

Not all McDonald's restaurants are kosher in Israel. We actually had to search for one online. Before, I wouldn't have been able to tell a kosher and regular McDonald's apart (I actually hadn't seen one, there aren't that many around) but now finally after visiting one, the difference is obvious, of course: thou shall not cook a lamb in its mother's milk. Therefore, products containing dairy (special coffees, Sundaes etc.) and meat products are sold and served from two totally different counters. Naturally, meat and dairy need to be kept separate.

Only dairy products from this corner. For burgers, move little to the right.

 I had wondered before how they have chosen to tackle this problem in an all American fast food restaurant with non-kosher food. Maybe replacing regular milk with soy milk in the milkshake? It was nothing like this, though.

Even though the McDonald's in Israel had some interesting burgers on the menu that are not sold back home, I opted for a classic and ordered a Big Mac. And you know what, it tasted the same. Minus the cheese, of course. I'm lovin' it!

Looks the same, taste the same, cost the same. McDonald's stays true to its flavors.

My pink elephant

I am getting the feeling that in spite all the hospitality, friendliness, kindness and jokes together, being non-Jewish is a kind of a glass ceiling one can't break. Even with the risk of sounding ungrateful or defying the saying about not throwing stones in glass houses (with those glass ceilings), here goes anyway.

Being non-Jewish, you ultimately will be liked only to a certain extent. It doesn't mean you are hated or considered a bad person, but since you're not Jewish – you won't be taken for a ride for that extra mile. Shiksa/goy is a label you can't choose to take off. And it might not be obvious discrimination or a statement of opinion – or even anything that someone would say out loud. It is kind of like that pink elephant in the living room. Everyone knows it's there, but it might not be spoken of. Well, except by a blabber shiksa like myself.

I can't help but think if my surname ended in ”-ovich” or a maternal great grandmother would be discovered to be Jewish; that invisible barrier I can't break, the label I can't take off, would be removed for me. I would get an all access pass to the Jewish funfair. But alas, none of this will be happening. Well, what about that conversion thing then? For all the reasons stated in this text so far it would be like forfeiting and admitting that there is something wrong with you.

But that's the thing, there isn't. No one did anything wrong by being born non-Jewish (or vice versa for that matter). It is not a choice, but yet you are being judged according to it. It could be compared to the security check at any Israeli airport. They treat you in a sort of polite manner, but yet doubt, question and scan you, leaving you feeling uneasy and thinking what did I do wrong to deserve this. And the process will never go away if you keep visiting the land of Israel – no matter how many Israeli stamps in your passport, hamsa key rings or I heart Israel t-shirt with blinking neon lights in your suitcase. Or no matter how nice, funny and smart you are as a person. You're always the usual suspect. You didn't do anything wrong; it's just the way it is and will be: at the airport, outside the airport.

So, the pink elephant is there, your presence in social media is denied and your existence is never revealed to certain relatives or friends. Those who say that this sort of situation is not really a problem, are lying. There's obviously something to be hidden, and it may not be you as a person - but the fact that you are not an "-ovich". I am not writing this to demonstrate that I am desperate to join the haim-mile club. No, but the whole setup is very sad and hard not to take, well, personally. Feeling inadequate as a person for qualities in you that you can't help is quite a heavy baggage to carry if this status quo will persist in my life going forward.

Sometimes, I'm asking myself how it is in reverse. Did I ever encounter a situation where I'd need to hide or deny the fact that I have a Jewish boyfriend? Did my parents, family or friends ever consider it a constraint? So far, never. The only constraint that I can see is that we as a couple can never visit certain Arab countries, but this is not a problem caused by me, my country or my background. And sometimes I think if this is a European thing, where people are sticking to their national identity, language and colors of flag so strongly. Would it be different in the US for us, for instance? I wouldn't be Christian, Finnish or shiksa, he wouldn't be Israeli or Jew, but we'd be (after a long naturalization process and unlikely to happen anyway) just merry Americans?

I'm not asking to be considered kosher, I'd settle for being parve. But like the piggies and myself, we can't really help it. According to the Torah, according to the glass ceiling, pink elephant... we are what we are - can't chew this cud. And in a desperate search of a silver lining and somewhat of a positive ending to this text, I could say that at least I'm not an Arab or German. So it could be worse, no?

The Promise

I overheard a coffee break discussion at work the other day about a TV mini series called "The Promise"(Luvattu maa in Finnish, bad translation). The series had worked as an eye-opener for some of the people discussing it how the Jews in Israel are not as innocent as they appear to be. What was this series all about? Naturally, I had to check it out asap...

Since I had missed the TV airing times for the series, I was lucky to catch all the four episodes online at Yle Areena service (getting my tax money's worth). Warning for those who do not want spoilers, I advise you to stop reading now.

The plot seemed interesting at first... A young English girl named Erin travels to Israel to keep company for a friend who flies back to do her military service. Before this trip, Erin had found his grandfather's old diary from the days when he was stationed in Palestine during the British Mandate. Erin's visit to Israel starts all ooh-la-la-you've-got-villas-with-pools, shopping in swanky boutiques and dancing the night away in a huge, pulsating nightclub. As the story bounces back and forth between modern day (Erin) and the 1940s (the grandfather), shots from liberated concentration camps are shown and those who survived, how happily they arrived in Palestine - liberated, alive, in search for hope after the horrendousgenocide. You might think the series is a ploy from the Israeli government for good word-of-mouth. But then the story changes. The brother of Erin's friend shows up and he is pro-Palestine and starts showing her the other side of the coin.

What started as a seemingly positive story about Israel, quickly turns sour for the Jewish folks. The only "negative" thing about the Arabs/Palestinians portrayed is a suicide bomber attack in a cafe but the rest concentrates on how seemingly the majority of the Jews were members of Irgun (and therefore murderous, deceiving and just terrible people hungry for blood) and how the settlers spit and trash the Arab citizens of the country. While these might not be far-fetched, I'm sure all of Israel is not like this and most of them would be embarrassed of such things to begin with.

Erin's visit to Gaza was the anti-climax of the show, the character's unreal attempts to sympathize with the locals and chaining herself to a building to stop the destruction of it. Please, how naive. The conflict lies way deeper and the fact that Erin tried to solve it by clinging on to a young Palestinian girl (who was to be used as a human shield by the IDF) was just irritating.

The series, I'm guessing, is trying to be impartial and demonstrate the story through the Brits, Jews, Arabs, 1940s and modern time. Quoting the grandfather character from the end, at first he would have let the Jews have anything (after seeing the concentration camps) but now... he wasn't so sure anymore. A country born out of violence will live with the same violence until the (bitter?) end.

The whole conflict is sad, and probably most of the people in the area are not war-maniacs wishing for the blockages, bombings and rockets to continue. When things are prolonged and go on for a long time, societies and nations evolve and change, and the root of it all starts to get blurred. When you kill, it's terrorism? When we will, it is self-protection? Difficult questions that "The Promise" wasn't able to answer and probably didn't intend to do so, after all.

Picture borrowed from Wikipedia.